Friday, May 15, 2009
Tears
Many of you know that we have been experiencing infertility. Well it has not gotten any better. We are not pregnant again this month despite all of the drugs, procedures, shots, prayers, and hopes. No words can describe how I feel right now. It is hard not to be mad at myself. Is there something that I have done to make me barren, I just don't know. It is so hard to see all these new babies coming into this world and know that I will not get one. Everyone keeps telling me, be grateful for the ones that you have, like that is supposed to make me feel better. No one will ever know how grateful I am for the two beautiful girls that I have. I love them more everyday and am so thankful that I was able to be their mom. I know everyone means well by their comments and suggestions, but right now I need time for my heart to heal. We can no longer afford the treatments, so for now we are done trying. We might in the future look into adoption or foster care, but for now I need time to process and reevaluate what is best for my little family. I don't want people to feel bad for me but just be aware that I may be sad for awhile, and if I cry when I hold your baby know it is not because I am mad at you for having a child, but because my arms ache so bad to have another one of my own.
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6 comments:
Here's a long distance hug...not nearly as good as a real hug. I'm so sorry. We love you.
I am so sorry Danielle. I wish I could be there to give you a hug and cry with you. I will keep you in my prayers. We love you and your family.
Aww Danielle, I wish it were different. You know, my little sister is 34. She's been trying to have kids for over 14 years and hasn't. She lost her only successful pregnancy last November. My sister in law, she lost her only pregnancy last November as well...her twin sons. And then there is my sister in law...she went six years between her daughter and her son with infertility. And I'm sure you know of Shasta's struggles. So you aren't alone...I've even asked them early in our marriage. Getting pregnant isn't the easy part.
I know He's listening...keep your faith up and keep moving on. It's hard some days, but you are never suffering alone.
Hugs and all our best is with you.
Suz
My heart aches with yours! Let me know if you need anything. And I mean it!:)
I sure love you Danielle!
Danielle,
I'm so sorry. I completely understand the frustration and aching arms. It is very hard to hear pregnancy announcements and see new babies. I hope the frustration and tears don't last long.
Good luck with the adoption and/or foster process. My sister in law just started doing foster care and she loves it. If you have any questions about the process, I can put you in touch with her.
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